“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”
My time in college is coming to a close, which forces me to reflect. I do not know where I would be without these four years. My attitude towards my experience at Lee University has fluctuated. There were times when I did not want to be here, times when I could not see myself anywhere else, and times when my soul grew more than I ever thought that it could. I always grew up hearing that this time in my life would be the best and I fought that for a long time. I fought that because I was not sure that I wanted it to be, when so much of my life is still ahead of me. However, though I still look forward to whatever is to come, I can say that these will be the “good old days.”
This time brings a lot of different types of emotions. There is both a sense of excitement and hope in terms of the newness of growth that lies in the unknown. Along with this however, there is fear. There is fear within the unknown and doubts that can flood the lack of clarity in life. The end of this part of my life feels a lot different than the one that occurred just four short years ago. I am much more thankful. I know that the community that I have found here is unlike any that I have found before.
I have turned down opportunities and chosen where my time should be spent. People have helped carry me. The way that I experience life will never be the same and I am eternally grateful for that. I think that any time that I go through a transition, it is important to evaluate my perceptions of life. I know that I am not always inclined to move on from something good or comfortable. However, change facilitates growth and while it is hard to want to turn the page on certain chapters in life, sometimes it becomes a necessity.
To the people that have walked through these four years with me for any increment of time, thank you. I am a better person because of you. I do not know where I would be, but I would not be here. And though I now feel comfortable enough to explain a company’s financial statements to someone that I may run into on the street, I do not think that is what my time has taught me. I am leaving with more questions than answers in many ways, with more unknowns than certainties. Even still, I have a greater picture of who I am and who I want to be, not in terms of my career necessarily, but in terms of my character. That is what I think these four years taught me more than anything.
Nicholas Wolterstorff writes, “To be human is to remember, to carry the past along into the present. Even more, to be human is to look ahead, to expect, to envision. To be human is to expect while remembering, to plan while recollecting.” So in these last few weeks, I remember. I remember where I came from, where God has brought me. I am also present. I do not want to miss out on the impact that these people continue to have on my life. Finally, I look forward knowing that though some things will painfully fade away, God will be there to bring life.